Why is it not enough....when will it be enough? Worst day ever! :(

I don't know.....?

I logged in tonight hoping to be inspired to write, but nothing is coming.......I feel so much but can't seem to understand it and put it down. I feel my mind racing and the emotions are so raw that I don't know how to express them. I haven't felt this way in a long time. So much is happening and going to be happening in the future. I have to remember that all I can do is take it one day at a time.
I don't know the path I will go....
I don't know what the MRI will show...
I don't know if the pain will ever end....
I don't know if I will ever mend.....
I don't know if I come off too strong....
I don't know if I really do belong....
I don't know when it will be his end.....
I don't know if I can live without my best friend.
I don't know if all my dreams will come true....
I don't know how to live without you......

Some days you miss your Dad more than other~

The other day an old friend from high school found me on FB. Now we have not spoken since our days at West High over 19 years ago. the lack of communication is not because of anything bad, we just lost touch since then. We went though the pleasantries of hi, how are you, are you married, have kids and so on. But then she wrote the following:
"I have to tell you Marla, I've thought about you often over the years. I've wondered if you were still in remission. Anytime I have a patient tell me that they were diagnosed with cancer I encourage them with your battle and how I remember you were so strong and positive. If I remember correctly, it had spread to your lymph nodes. I am so pleased to see that you are well!!!!! "
I have yet to talk about having cancer ....on my blog that is, I'm an open book and no question is taboo for me. I was 16, a Junior in high school, when I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's disease and it changed my live. At that time I had no idea about the ripple affect, but let me tell you......I'm still rippling! To find out now 19 years later that I had such an impact on someones life is amazing. That over the years she has wondered how I was....maybe even if I was still alive!
People we are all ever changing and we really never know how we have changed peoples lived. It doesn't even have to be something so big as cancer and that battle that comes with it. It could be something small like a Good morning to a stranger or a thank you to a check out clerk. The Beatles have a song, "The End" and in it they say: "And in the end the love you make is equal to the love you take". Are you doing that....are the impacts that you are leaving on people ones that are positive or not? In the end are you going to be satisfied with the quality and quantity of the the love you gave and made?
I know that I am and will be.......

The simple things....they make me happy! Driving home today as I pass Westminster...there is little farm. It has to be part of FFA or the 4H where the kids raise there own animals and grow crops. My favorite part is when I can see the pig in there pens. I just love it...it makes me so happy and ever so often one will be up on the top of the fence....and I can catch a good look! It just makes me smile! Does anything so simple make you smile?

Well what a weekend...I feel like I finally got things done in the apartment....thanks to my husband and brother Brucito! It was very inspiring...in fact I have been inspired a lot lately.
~ My 2 cousins Robin and her daughter Jill came for a visit 2 weekends ago from Missouri. Jill (20) had never been to California so her mother surprised her with a trip out here for her 20th birthday.
Now my cousin Robin...I have know her all my life, and though I have know Jill all her life...I didn't really know her. But I got to know her much better the weekend she came to visit. Jill is beautiful in every sense of the word, not just on the outside, but on the inside. Her bodaciousness just pours out of her and affects the people that are around her for the better. She will never know or understand what she has done for me. There is so much of me when I was younger in her and she helped me see those beautiful things again. She taught me how to appreciate again and breath in life. I think that I have been "hardened" by all the demon that are in my life that I forgot to take in the beauty of what was and is good. I have always know who I am and what I want, but I had forgotten to enjoy "thing". Jill reminded me to look at life and all the awesome things that are in it. I don't have time to sweat the small stuff or be upset about things that can be worked through. I am a survivor that is now enjoying the life that I have fought so hard to live. This 20 year old girl came to California see Hollywood, Beverly Hills and the Beach and instead changed my life for the better. I have felt like I was on the verge of this "rebirth" for a while, I just couldn't grab it and bring it to head...and know I have...it is beautiful. for the 1st time in a very long time.....I am Happy! Marla Nicole Thurman is happy. I think I need to be this way to be strong for those people in my life right now that are not.
So the next time you see a sunset or have a chance to breath deeply at the beach.....take it all in and you WILL feel the difference.......

Barbs.....

Well I told by sister Barbs I was going to Blog about something tonight and now I can't remember. But I think I will just say how much I love my girl Barbara Jean. I know that right now she is going through a really hard time and that I know in the end she will be OK. I just wish I could do more for her and was closer to her so I could just stop by and give her a hug. Barbs...just know that you might be alone tonight, but we......your family and friends love you...very much.....Moshi Moshi out B!

Bows.....

Bows....it's just odd that something so simple can just make a package. If I could I would have the wrapping on a package be the present because sometime I make bows that are just that rad. I know this is the lamest topic, but I love making them. They make everything look better......
The materials to make them out of are endless....ribbon w/wire, ribbon w/o wire, both together, raffia, lace, streamer paper. You can also add stuff like a hair clip or flower, a cookie on a stick...one of those small balloons....it is just crazy....I want to just be a present wrapper......hit me up at Christmas!!!!

If I may be so bold as to quote Ice Cube...."Today was a good day"! Torrance and I began our day by meeting up with Aunty Betty. We had breakfast and good conversation. Form breakfast we went back to Aunty house and saw Lizzy and the girls. Aunty is watching her 2 grand daughters while Lizzy who is a major in the Air force is deployed overseas. It was great to see Lizzy before she left. Hoping she will get to have some R&R in July and we can all come together as a family again. From there we went over to the Leon's (our Guatemala family) to celebrate Aunt Hilda and Brucito's Birthdays. It was a rainy day full of family. I think for Torrance and I we can say that our family has no boundaries.
I really dislike when people say they are blessed....it is used so much and so often that I'm not sure if people us it because they really feel that they are or......because they think that if they say it enough times they will believe it. Well after today, looking back....I am blessed in every sense of the word.

I took a little trip today to Santa Barbara (SB) to see and old friend and celebrate another. I left almost on time...8:30a instead of 8:00a, but for me that is good! ;)
I had forgotten how beautiful the drive to SB is, especially after it has rained. The hillsides are green, the water is blue and crashing with the whitest of peeks. The only thing missing was my Hooty. He stayed at home...today was a girls day!
I got Barbara Jeans and she met me outside and took me down to the "bat cave" as we call it. She has finally found her freedom and is living under the most wonderful old German man. Monfred is his name and he is just adorable. Barbs place is small, but cozy and gets the job done. I think Monfred needs Barbs as much as she needs him! We went to one of Barbs favorite places for breakfast (if your ever in SB..check it out!)....Harry's...It was like coming home. Barbs to Harry's is like Norm to Cheers almost! HA! Anytime spend with Barbs is always great. Barb and I only go back 6years, but it feels like a lifetime. I met her after I moved to SB with my husband and started working at Inamed (now Allergan) You see Barbs and I lived in the same city growing up (Torrance) and went to the same High School (West High) at the same time and she was in my sisters class....and we didn't meet until SB. We have been sisters ever since! I would do just about anything for my Barbs and she would do the same for me. I worry about her a lot, being alone, but she is strong and will do fine. It was sad to leave her, but we will see each other again....... soon!
After breakfast with Barbs I headed over to Ms Joella's baby shower. It was great to see her, and she looks absolutely wonderful. I worry about her too, but seeing all the support she has around her set my mind at ease. After the shower I headed home with the sun setting to my back and the white waves still crashing.......... it was inspiring.
It made me want to pullover and just breath. You ever want to do that. You see something so phenomenal that you just want to admire it and seeing it give you hope and trust in the world that things will be OK. Well that is how my drive up and back made me feel. I didn't stop, but I did take a bunch of pictures. I think I am the best driving picture taker in the world. As soon as I figure out how to add them, I will. I hope the little high I got today stays.....it sure was refreshing!! Love to all!

Hi Friends! I know...it has been a while....a long while. So much has been going on. We moved last weekend and were without the net until Thursday. THEN...I was sick until pretty much today. Today is the 1st time since last Sunday that I didn't wake-up with a headache! YUCK! Well we are moved in, but not unpacked...mostly my fault because I was sick, but I'm still very Happy! The Bros Leon cam and helped and we moved all the boxes, furniture and bags out of the old place and into the new one in about 2 hours....NICE! Ms. Sara came by later Saturday and helped us move the rest and Sunday T and I cleaned the old apartment and gave Ms Gladys the keys. It was bitter sweet, we really liked the people at the old complex. We haven't really met any of the new peeps except for 1.
T and I were exiting our place as apartment 2 was coming in. It was a woman with her dog and young daughter who was not more that 1 or 1 1/2. The gate opened and this little face full of life smiled at us and said "HI" and T and I of course responded with a big old "HI" back. She smiles and said it again and them began to walk up to T and hold onto his legs. Her mother very polite responded with an excuse me...and took her by the hand and pulled her along...but not without a ....."BYE". Boy that just made our night.......nothing more beautiful than a child! What a blessing. T got int he truck and made our way out, but couldn't stop thinking or talking about the little girl! Again....oh what a blessing she is! :)

So my hubby and I are getting ready to move out of our flooded, moldy, termite/spider infested, leaking, humid, cold, hot, sweat box apartment in to what we hope to be our own piece of heaven! We signed the papers and got the keys on the 26th and I can't be any happier about this. I'm a bit stressed, but better than I was 2 years ago when we moved form Santa Barbara back down to LA.........
~ My husband was 2 months in to his recovery from brain surgery and for me well that is a long story that I will make short. You see I didn't get to finish packing or moving my stuff, instead I thought that I would have a heart attack. Yep...34 and I had a heart attack, so I spent the next 4 days in the hospital while all my friends and family stepped up and moved us out of our apartment and down to LA.
~This time I have a different outlook on it. I began packing early...as soon as we found our new place and put down the deposit. I'm sure the husband would like to see me doing more packing, but I think we are doing OK. His mother has been a GREAT help!!! I just don't seem to know what to pack....I feel that so many things need to wait till the last moment. I might need it before then.
I see this frustrated him, but I'm at work all day and do what I can when I get home. Tomorrow is Friday and that is when I will get the lead out and go into overtime!!!
I'll keep ypu posted!!1 :D

Welcome to " from Z 2 T"

Hi Friends,
I really wasn't sure how to begin this "adventure", so I figured I would just start typing and go from there! I always wondered about blogs, but never really cared to figure out what they were or what the hype was. I'm not a very "technical" kind of gal. But you know...now that I think abut it, I wish I would have done this a few years back..... :0P
So you ask.......what does from Zucker to Thurman mean? Well In the beginning I was a Zucker. That is my maiden name and my link to my German heritage. It breathes life into me and makes me proud to be German-American....and not just "white". It is German for sugar.....and well if you know me I 'm just as sweet as can be.....ha..wink, wink!
Now in the second stage of my life I am a Thurman....married to a 1/2 black 1/2 Japanese man it too breaths life into me, but in a different way. It makes me want to be a better me in every way possible.
Together I'm the United Nations.........they give me the strength, knowledge, love, inspiration, confidence and energy to overcome the "obstacles" that have "blessed" my life.
I hope that in this blog I will be able to share ALL of them. They might not be in order and my story telling might not be the best, but that is OK with me......because this is for me.....your just lucky I let you enjoy my adventures........